Dear Diary,

Aaaah, I have been on a "vacation" for several months.  Not that I didn't WANT to work.  I just couldn't FIND anything that I REALLY wanted to do.  I have been very lucky in the past with finding the right jobs at the right time. Very lucky.  I've met a few famous and MANY great people.  

Tomorrow, I have to work.  Well, I don't HAVE to, I could've said "no" and eaten away a little more of the tiny stash I have left... However, I said "yes" and now it is an obligation and for some reason, I am already stressed out.  It's a one day thing.  So I go in, do my "stuff" (translating) and I'm out... I used to look forward to this kind of job... Now, I dream of working at a desk like the one above... Ngh. (Not mine...it is a room from a museum in Kobe.)

When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I wanted to be a "muse".  I don't think I knew what the word meant, I just liked the sound of the word. Mmmmuuuuzzze.  A substitute teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said "a muse!".   I remember her saying something like..."well, that's interesting, but that's not a job, you know."  I threw up after that.  A small Niagara Falls...

I feel like that now.  Over 30 years later, and I haven't changed a bit.

I will start working as a librarian's assistant from March...I hope that will get me a little closer to my dream job at a beautiful desk...fingers crossed!

addition:  my husband may have hit it on the nail...why do I always feel a little blue after I accept a translating job?  why don't I look forward to them?  

His answer: you have to hide "you" when you translate.  you like to say what's on your mind, and when you are a translator, what you think is not meant to be mentioned...you're probably not you when you translate.

I, have turned out to be a control freak.